More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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