You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
