listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
