is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
