matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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