call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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