I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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