Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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