You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
