Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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