Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
