What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she told me i tasted like america
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
