She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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