Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
