I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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