You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
