i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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