I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
