i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
