Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
