Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i came on her dog
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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