I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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