it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
