i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
