im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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