Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
