I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
