Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
