oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
