Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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