2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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