The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
