Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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