how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
