I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
