Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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