i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
