u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
