I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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