So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
