so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
