Well douche your snatch and let's go!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
