i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
