new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
