Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
