Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
