all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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