Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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