All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found the puke drawer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
