As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
