Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
