please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
