She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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