mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
